Christmas Scare Tactics, Bribery, and Absurdities

Today I heard the mother of it all on the radio: Christmas Scare-tactics.

Specifically I mean those used during this festive holiday time to get children, significant others, spouses, and pets to 'behave', The absurdity of it all is enough to make me vomit. So let me explain what I mean from the perspective of each of the previously stated. Some examples of the scare-tactics and how they are used.

Parents: The scare/bribery tactics used most by parents during the holidays are these: "If you do not behave Santa won't come." "If you're bad Santa won't bring you presents." "If you're bad Grandma, Grandpa, Auntie, etc. won't give you any presents either." "If you're bad, we won't go see Santa." And the bribery tactics: "If you're good, I'll make sure Santa brings you everything you want." "If you're super good, Grandma will give you more presents." Etc. And even fear tactics, having someone call your house, acting as Santa, and threatening the kid if he/she is bad Santa will skip over their house this year. This kind of thing makes me sick. The kids they had, live on the radio talking to 'Santa' were sobbing before they got off the phone. Kids should not fear losing their Christmas wishes because of a little disobedience (I'm talking small stuff, not breaking a window because they're angry kind of thing). They're fucking children not saints. They rebel, they disobey, they act out of line, because, face it, kids will be, and act like kids!

Significant Others/Spouses: This one comes from a song that I hear all the time and it really irks me. The song is "Santa Baby" by Eartha Kitt (1953), covered by a myriad of artists on today's radio stations, namely Madonna and Marylin Monroe. The reason it irritates me is because if you listen to the lyrics the whole song basically says "I didn't kiss other guys, sleep around, cheat on you, or go 'have fun', but if you don't bring me all of the things I want, I just might do so next year." This is the specific verse that screams 'give me, or else':

"Think of all the fun I've missed,
Think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed,
Next year I could be just as good,
If you'll check off my Christmas list."

And I know I'm reading a lot into a line in a song, but the reality is, there are people like this. Quite a few women and men these days are like this. Basically they give their spouse or significant other the ultimatum of buying them extravagant expensive gifts or they may or may not stay faithful/loyal to the relationship, or lesser so, they won't reciprocate gifts. Materialistic people really piss me off, so this one really really crawls under my skin. If you have to make materialistic demands for Christmas just to stay committed to your relationship you deserve to have your ass dumped on the sidewalk in the snow on Christmas Eve. Christmas should just be about spending time with your significant other/spouse and family, and lastly about the amount spent on gifts.

Pet Guardians: I had a lady in my groom shop a few days back whose dog was going nuts. So she bent down to the kennel and said "Oh honey, be good. If you're not good Santa won't want to bring you any treats or toys." I looked over and just stared. Really? Let's just face it, threatening your dog, cat, horse, goldfish, or any other animal with lack of gifts or a visit from Santa on Christmas just makes you look ridiculous. Animals don't give a shit about Christmas or about your scare-tactics. All they know about the holidays is people are running around like headless chickens, there's a heavily decorated pee-post in the living room or cat-climbing toy, and everyone's emotions are all out of whack for whatever reason.

To be serious, though, using scare-tactics to try to get people or animals to 'be good' through the holidays is just ridiculous and only proves that you really are more stupid than you appear.