'Certified Master' Groomers

As many of my readers (especially those who follow me on Facebook) know, I am a full time professional pet groomer. I have been grooming professionally since 2005 and groomed quite a few show dogs, when I was showing, in the years before that.

There are ins and outs to grooming. Some groomers will try to make themselves look/feel better by calling themselves something other than a groomer, like 'pet stylist', 'animal hygienist', 'companion animal cleaner', 'canine coat technician' etc. It doesn't make a difference with all of the wishy-washy phony titles out there, the people who take care of animals' skin, coat, nails, etc are groomers. End of story. Call them what you will. A groomer by any other name is still a groomer.

What I dislike is groomers that have some kind of certification that makes them think they are the Creator's gift to man/animal kind. Let me tell you why it irritates me so much...

There are many certifications that can be gotten by groomers, a few are:

Nationally Certified Master Groomer (NCMG)
Certified Master Groomer (CMG)
Certified Master Feline Groomer (CMFG)
International Certified Pet Groomer (ICPG)
Professional Pet Groomers' Certification (PPGC)
International Professional Groomer (IPG)
Companion Animal Hygienist (CAH)
...etc.

Here's why I don't think this title really means as much as it makes people think it does. First of all, I am absolutely not bashing groomers, and yes I do commend the people who do get certified as 'master groomers', it shows that you have talent and that you're eager to share that. What pisses me off about most nationally certified 'master groomers' is they think they are better than all other groomers, the elite Gods of the grooming world. The reason I don't think it makes a person the Creator's gift to the world is because it's not as in depth as it sounds. Master groomers, to get certified as such, are only required to do the grooming on four dogs of of their choosing of separate acceptable breeds and take a written questionnaire.

There are well over 460 recognized/registerable breeds of dogs. AKC alone has registries for 158 breeds. The UKC has registries for 374 breeds. The CKC has registries for 192 breeds. The FCI has registries for 337 breeds.

...you're going to tell me that by doing a perfect, or nearly perfect breed standard groom on just four different common breeds and answering a four hundred count questionnaire that you are now certified to groom all 460+ breeds? I don't think so.

The breeds for each section of the physical exam, the ones you have the choice to groom to breed standard, are (Choosing 1 from each section):

Non-Sporting:
Toy Poodle
Miniature Poodle
Bichon Frise

Sporting:
American Cocker Spaniel
English Cocker Spaniel
English Springer Spaniel

Long-Legged Terrier:
Miniature Schnauzer
Wire Fox Terrier
Kerry Blue Terrier
Soft Coated Wheaten Terrier

Short-Legged Terrier:
West Highland White Terrier
Scottish Terrier
Sealyham Terrier
Cairn Terrier

Each dog is required to have at least 8 weeks of hair growth, so it can be shaped, molded, and scissored into the clips/grooms deemed acceptable. The dogs are also required to be well trained, quiet, and free of mats, tangles, dirt, and any kind of skin conditions before the test ever begins. Most of the dogs are owned by long-time groomers and have very nice full show quality coats the comply with their breed standards. The part that gets under my skin is simply this: Purebred dogs with silent, docile, perfect temperaments. Trained, calm, and obedient for grooming. Perfect skin, no skin issues. Perfect or at least very good hair. Correct conformation by size, coat, and weight, or very close to it.

...in the real world, in a real every-day grooming salon this is -not-, let me repeat, -not- what you see.
More than half of the time in any regular grooming salon on any given day you get mixed breed dogs that are matted/tangled, extremely filthy, ill-bred with severe conformational flaws, with one or more skin condition or parasites, and a nasty, often aggressive or difficult to handle temperament.

I do not think it is entirely fair to give the title 'master groomer' to someone who only has to groom four clean, parasite/skin condition free, conformationally correct dogs that are quiet, well-trained, and used to being groomed once a month, because that's definitely not the reality of what you see on a day to day basis in any shop.

To start off, most of the pet dogs taken to a groomer are mixed breeds! You get dogs that are hard to handle from lack of training/discipline/grooming. Many come in with a load of tangles or are matted. Over half of them are terribly bred with massive conformational and structural flaws. They don't want to be messed with, they don't want to stand, many of them are constant barkers/whiners, they fight for blow-drying and bathing, some urinate/defecate on themselves. The list goes in. While we do get a lot of lovely dogs that are a pleasure to do, the fact is, on and every day basis, you're usually dealing with animals that have issues in coat, temperament, structure, hair, skin, etc or a multitude of issues. ...and tell me this, how many average pet dog owners want a very expensive 6+ inch long showring groom on their backyard mixed breed? Exactly.

Just because you can do show grooms doesn't mean everyone will want them, in fact, most pet owners won't. They want something simple, cost-effective, and practical. A very long hand scissored groom on a pet that gets groomed every 12 weeks  (or longer) and receives very little grooming/maintenance is not practical at all and it is expensive.

Now if aspiring master groomers were made to take 5 or 6 dogs from the shelter they knew nothing about that didn't have perfect hair, temperaments, or conformation I would be a lot more respecting. To me, a master groomer is someone who can take a dog with structural flaws and make it look structurally correct, or grooming a dog with time and patience that is a fighter or difficult to do without getting upset/stressed. A master groomer, in my opinion, can make a mixed breed look exceptional when it either looks nothing like the breeds its supposed to be made up of or can make it look more outstanding than any purebred registered showring dog. That's what makes a master for me. Someone who can make something amazing out of nothing. Basically turning a mutt, a lump of coal, into a diamond with their exceptional grooming.

Four perfect (or nearly perfect) dogs and a questionnaire, for me, does not make you a master groomer.

Furthermore, the reason more veteran and apprentice groomers do not go for their master grooming certification is two reasons: It's a downright pain in the ass, and it's very expensive!

The test alone to become a nationally certified master groomer is nearly $700 by itself. That doesn't account for registry, food, lodging, fuel, and other expenses. Then you have to find four quiet well-trained purebred structurally correct dogs that conform to their breed standard and have at least eight weeks of non-matted non-tangled hair growth to work on (they do not provide the dogs for you to test on). Then you have to have crates/food for all of them. Then there's finding a hotel that will cater to your stay with four dogs during your duration of testing. Then you have to haul all of the dogs, the crates, and all of your grooming equipment to the testing center at the asscrack of dawn and spend the entire day there. On top of that, to use the nationally certified master groomer logo/info in your advertising or at your grooming salon you have to pay yearly fees to the NDGAA of $40 just to stay registered as a certified master groomer, and if you ever need a replacement copy of any of your certificates, those run between $15 and $25 apiece.

This is why I feel it is unnecessary. I know I am a good groomer. I know I am a damn good groomer. My clients are sure to not only show but to tell me. I don't feel that I should be required to spend a great deal of money, search across hell and high water to find quality dogs, and take a test on just four animals to be called a master. I know I am damn good at what I do, certified as a 'master groomer' or not. It's just a piece of paper. The proof is in my performance and in how good the animals I groom look/feel when they leave my care.